By John Norris Ray
Overall Assessment: A- (Exceptional)
“The Magic King” is a masterclass in short-form screenwriting that achieves what many features fail to accomplish—a complete emotional arc with genuine psychological depth in just five pages. John Norris Ray demonstrates sophisticated command of structure, character, and dramatic irony while delivering a dark fairy tale that subverts expectations at every turn.
Structure & Pacing ★★★★★
The script’s greatest achievement is its ruthless economy. Every scene serves multiple functions: the tavern opening establishes mood (oppressed kingdom), character (Jonathan’s showmanship), and stakes (guards arriving) simultaneously. Ray employs perfect three-act structure—setup, demonstration/confrontation, and shocking payoff—without a single wasted moment.
The use of dramatic irony is particularly sophisticated. We learn Jonathan seeks revenge before the King does, creating tension. When the King deduces the plan in the field, we believe his psychological gambit (“I know that you are not a murderer”) has succeeded, making the actual execution more devastating.
Character Development ★★★★☆
Jonathan the Great transforms from cheerful entertainer (“Who doesn’t like rabbits?”) to cold executioner, yet remains sympathetic. His dual nature—avenging son and calculating killer—creates moral ambiguity that elevates the material beyond simple revenge fantasy. The single line about his father’s “flayed and broken body” washing from “palace sewers” justifies everything while maintaining economy.
King Ratcliff avoids caricature through specificity. His intellectual vanity (“I’m what you’d call an enthusiast of magic”) and psychological confidence (“I have studied suffering”) make him a worthy antagonist. His fatal flaw isn’t cruelty but certainty—he understands suffering academically but not experientially, failing to grasp how it transforms people.
The supporting cast efficiently serves atmospheric purposes: sad villagers establish tyranny, Beatrice the donkey humanizes Jonathan, and the screaming courtier provides emotional release.
Dialogue & Craft ★★★★★
Ray strikes perfect balance between period authenticity and accessibility, avoiding excessive “thee/thou” affectations while maintaining medieval flavor. Jonathan’s showman patter (“Seemingly a normal cabinet, if perhaps a bit fancy”) sounds exactly right while delivering exposition.
The field confrontation demonstrates masterful subtext:
- Jonathan’s repeated “your majesty” shifts from respectful to mocking
- The King’s “My dear boy” attempts false intimacy in desperation
- Their power dynamic reversal is accomplished entirely through dialogue
Visual storytelling is equally accomplished: blood pooling from the cabinet, two “THUDS” (darkly comic yet horrifying), and the final image of Jonathan escaping with ONE cabinet (confirming the King’s death) demonstrate cinematic thinking.
Thematic Depth ★★★★★
The script’s refusal to judge Jonathan is its most sophisticated choice. He’s simultaneously hero (avenging murdered father, ending tyranny) and villain (killing a begging man). The King is both monster (brutal murderer) and victim (accurately reading Jonathan’s hesitation).
The deeper theme: revenge as performance art. Jonathan doesn’t simply kill the King—he stages his death as public theater, humiliated before his court. The avenger becomes what he hates, suggesting suffering doesn’t just hurt; it corrupts.
Minor Weaknesses
The compressed format occasionally sacrifices context—we never learn why the King killed Jonathan’s father or how Jonathan found Merlin. The incantations use Italian rather than expected Latin. The crying baby, while effective, borders on predictable as a tension device.
However, these are quibbles. In a five-page format, every choice represents necessary sacrifice.
Commercial Viability
The script is exceptionally producer-friendly: minimal locations (tavern, throne room, field), small cast, one major prop (the cabinet), and practical effects. It’s perfectly positioned for top-tier film festivals while serving as proof-of-concept for feature development or anthology series.
The tonal balance—dark comedy meeting brutal horror—requires precise direction but offers tremendous payoff. This is The Prestige meets Game of Thrones in five minutes.
Conclusion
“The Magic King” proves that profound storytelling doesn’t require feature length. Ray’s economy, psychological insight, and willingness to embrace moral ambiguity create a complete, haunting experience. The script’s final image—Jonathan riding toward sunset with stolen treasures and only one cabinet—leaves us questioning whether we’ve witnessed justice or simply watched one monster replace another.
Exceptional short-form screenwriting that maximizes every moment.
