Overview
Tagline: “Make time-travel a thing of the past.”
Logline: In the year 2096, the world seems perfect—every mistake can be undone. Thanks to billionaire genius Jovan Johansson and his revolutionary hand-held “time corrector,” people everywhere can rewind their personal timelines, fixing errors on the spot. But as these devices become commonplace, the consequences spiral out of control, shattering the continuity of time itself. With divergent timelines endlessly colliding, Jovan realizes that his invention might be the ultimate mistake. Teaming up with his once-lost soulmate, he embarks on a journey to undo the damage, racing against the collapse of linear time to set things right before time-travel erases itself from history.
Writers Biography
Lesley Ann Albiston is a writer, actor, theatre director, fine artist and graphic designer.
Critical Analysis
Strengths
High Concept: The time travel premise is deeply layered, blending futuristic technology with philosophical and existential questions about human nature. The exploration of time fractures, the effects of constant corrections, and the consequences on linear time are ambitious and compelling.
World-Building
The futuristic elements, such as the Time Corrector devices, advanced AI, cyborgs, and fluctuating timelines, create a visually rich and imaginative world. The depiction of how society collapses due to constant manipulation of time is well-conceived and engaging.
Characterization
The main characters, such as Jovan, Cinnamon, and the AI assistants, are distinct, with intriguing backstories and motivations. Jovan’s charismatic, flawed genius and Cinnamon’s rebellious nature bring a dynamic interplay of personalities.
Themes
The script addresses deeper questions about human desire for perfection, the dangers of unchecked technological advancements, and the moral implications of controlling time. It critiques humanity’s obsession with correcting past mistakes while exploring themes of fate, consequence, and personal responsibility.
Humor and Satire
Certain scenes, like Cinnamon’s time correction for avoiding a bad romantic encounter, offer a humorous and satirical look at human vanity and trivial use of powerful technology.
Weaknesses
Pacing
The pacing feels uneven at times. Some scenes, especially involving character backstories or philosophical monologues, can slow down the action, which may disengage the audience. Balancing exposition with action would make the script flow more smoothly.
Complexity
While the premise is intellectually stimulating, the complexity of multiple timelines, fractured realities, and paradoxes might become overwhelming for some viewers. Simplifying or clarifying some of the narrative threads would improve coherence without losing depth.
Dialogue
Certain sections of dialogue are overly expository or lack the subtlety needed to let themes emerge naturally. The characters sometimes explain too much, reducing the impact of key moments. More organic, emotionally driven exchanges would heighten engagement.
Character Dynamics
While the characters are intriguing, the romantic relationship between Cinnamon and Jovan/Anton feels underdeveloped. Their connection could be explored more deeply, with more emotional stakes involved to make their relationship feel more consequential.
Predictability
Despite the ambitious scope, the core plot elements—time travel gone wrong, dystopian futures, the dangers of playing god—are familiar tropes in sci-fi. Adding unexpected twists or subverting some of these tropes would increase the originality of the narrative.
Rating
Plot: 7/10 – Complex, thought-provoking, but occasionally overwhelming and reliant on familiar time-travel tropes.
Characterization: 6/10 – Interesting characters, though some relationships, especially the romance, could be better developed.
Dialogue: 6/10 – Functional but overly expository in places. Could benefit from more natural, emotion-driven exchanges.
World-Building: 8/10 – The futuristic, fractured time world is well-realized and visually compelling, offering a rich setting for the narrative.
Originality: 7/10 – While the time travel theme is familiar, the integration of AI, societal breakdown, and philosophical questions gives it an original edge.
Overall Rating: 6.8/10
Fractures in Time is an ambitious, visually rich sci-fi screenplay with deep philosophical themes, though it could benefit from tightening its pacing, clarifying its narrative, and adding more emotional depth to its characters and relationships.
Judging Status
Season 9 – Finalist
Disclaimer
The Elegant International Film Festival (ElegantIFF) provides script review services for entrants as part of its submission process. However, please note that this review is not exhaustive, and participation in this service does not guarantee script selection, awards, or acceptance into the festival lineup.
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